Close your eyes and think for a moment of the most painful challenges facing the world – the problems we need America’s brightest minds working on. Okay… now open your eyes. What challenge first came to mind?
If you’re like most people, it didn’t take long for you to identify the most serious crisis we are dealing with today: Rich kids just don’t have enough advantages.
It’s an undeniable problem” Babies aren’t getting enough good sleep, and their parents are struggling with insomnia too. Now, some granola crunching liberals might suggest that the kind of investment we need to make is social, with publicly-subsidized paid parental leave from employment, so that parents of young babies can focus on taking care of the youngest members of our society without going crazy from the pressure of trying to work full time jobs and care for their infants at the same time. There’s a problem with this social solution, though: It doesn’t address the vital need to give wealthy families a crushing advantage over everybody else.
It’s just not realistic for our society to be decent to all new families. What we desperately need is a technological solution that only wealthy families can afford.
That’s where the SNOO crib comes in. Invented through a partnership between Harvey Karp of MIT, Yves Behar of Silicon Valley, and a whole bunch of assistants who are too low in social status to merit recognition in articles by Business Insider, the SNOO crib delivers a better night’s sleep for wealthy families only.
The crib provides multi-sensory stimulation to babies, enabling them to go to sleep quickly, and sleep for longer periods of time, enabling them to get the rest they need to grow up strong and smart. It helps their parents sleep better too, so the whole family is spared the stress and mental illness that all too often stunts child development early in life.
The most important feature, however, is economic: The crib is designed to be used for only 6 months – and it costs $1,150! With the SNOO crib, rich families can make the gap between their kids and the riff raff even wider.
Does this sound too good to be true – even for the deserving rich? The makers of SNOO encourage you to listen to the testimony of “real moms and dads” who own the cribs. By “real”, they mean not African-American. There wasn’t even one single black person was in these testimony videos, and there are no African-American parents or babies photographed on the SNOO website because, apparently, there’s no point in people with African ancestry obtaining expensive gadgets to help their babies get a leg up in life. As Donald Trump has taught us, African-Americans live in “the inner city”, where there is no education and there are no jobs. That’s not the SNOO target market, it seems.
“Now, exhaustion is optional,” says SNOO. Well, except for all you people out there who have to work two jobs in order to make ends meet, because tech industry geniuses at companies such as Amazon and Uber have found such a range of ways to use the power of technology to keep wages low.
